My Boy

Without you, I would not have held this banner.

True, before you came along, I had held other colors that defined me,
but none as considerable as this one.
...an adventure I could never have anticipated.
...an undertaking I might never have pursued if I had chosen to heed the cautions of the well meaning crowd who warned of the fortitude needed to get you to this point.

But I did.

And here you are.

I jumped in, fully warned, naive, but totally abandoned.

My heart was overwhelmed, my body taxed, that first moment I looked upon your tiny form.

The boy that came from me.

The desire of my heart.

Nothing in me could take you in.

Your existence was too astounding to ingest.

You weren't supposed to come so early.

In fact, I had not really expected you to come at all.

The doc had found no heartbeat, had gotten out his schedule book, arranged for a procedure.

And I left his office that day with no more than a delicate prayer for my own survival.

But you made it!

Your heart was stronger than mine. It beat right off the ultrasound screen as they prepared my body for your evacuation.

Miracle or misinterpretation, we will never know.

But you are here.

And now, it's time for you to leave.

I've always known this day would come.

My primary purpose for these past few decades has been to prepare you for this very day. My singular job—to change you from needing me to not—to escort you to this point of independence.

I also knew it wouldn't be easy to let you go.

Easier I know, for you to let go of me, as it should be, your autonomy being essential to your success.

I'm so proud of the person you are becoming.

God has an amazing story written for your life, and he is a terrific author.

And so are you.

So, as you continue with more initiative, to join with God in the writing of your story, my prayer is that you will be open to hear his voice as he leads you to the future I have always dreamed of for you.